Virus Alert

A new type of computer virus is spreading rapidly over the internet. The Neuroticat virus targets cats belonging to computer users, causing severe neurotic behavior. The only known cure is feline degaussment, e.g. by holding the cat up to a large CRT monitor and pressing the degauss button.

The exact mechanism of cat infection is not fully understood, but seems to involve electromagnetic resonances set up in the computer mouse which are then transferred to the cat's brain through the hand of a computer user. These resonances are called "digital prions", and are the first known example of a computer virus being transferred to a mammal.

Other mammals may not be immune. Dogs exposed to the virus have started dementedly bouncing around. Exposed ferrets became extremely malodorous. Fortunately, no effect on humans has been reported. The virus has little effect on the host computer, but may cause all versions of Windows to crash unexpectedly.

Here are some basic precautions everyone should take:

1. Rinse hands in a conducting liquid between handling the mouse and petting a cat. Running tap water is probably OK.
2. If your cat shows any sign of neurotic behavior, give it a precautionary degaussment.
3. Do not use e-mail attachments, as these seem to spread the virus. Put what you want to say in the body of the e-mail.
4. Wear gloves while operating the mouse or petting your cat, but not the same glove for both.

Fortunately, the virus only remains on your computer a few days after initial infection.

Please pass this information on to any cat-owning computer users.