E-Quack

E-Quack brings you the latest in bogus remedies.

Our main product is homeopathic dog urine. All the proven benefits of dog urine in an easily consumed form. Only $20 per quart bottle. Carbonated 10% extra.

And don't forget the healing power of dog hair. Simply rub onto the troublesome spot. Only $5 per handful.

Everyone knows the power of magnets. Now experience the mystic healing power of dog chewed magnets. Magnetism and mastication mingle in magical synergy. Available in positive and negative magnetic forms. Warning - may contain nuclei. For an additional $5, we can supply mass-less invisible nuclei-free "homeopathic" magnets.

Injured dogs lick themselves. Dial our 900 number (only $4 per minute, and our healing dog will lick the receiver as you recite the mantra "Laser .. Laser .. Laser".

Relax with Noises of Canine Companionship is a therapeutic CD compilation of dog noises. Listen to the dog slurping its water, chomping down pellets, gnawing away at rawhide, crushing plastic consumer items, barking to go out, barking to come in, and barking randomly. Here are a couple of reviews:

• Not relaxing at all, just endless barking. New York Times
• Please, please make it stop. The barking is coming from inside my head. Washington Post

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