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1999 Dog News,
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Dec 21 - Here are some more Dog Park pictures:
Edgar and Justice square off
for the Great Stick Battle
Stick Battle continues
The crowd gets excited
Rascal refuses to pose
Dec 13 - Laser finally conceded the Presidential election, as recount efforts failed to find a single vote. However, there are reports of dogs being turned away from voting booths, which leaves a worrying air of controversy over the whole election. Laser got a Dog Licence today, and is officially Dog 519. He is licenced to be a dog for 18 months. Continuing education requirements include footwear separation. Laser started this evening by carrying a left slipper into the basement, while leaving the right slipper in an upstairs bedroom.
Dec 11 - You know you live in a cold climate when the local pet store has a rack full of dog boots. Laser needed some this evening, limping on all four paws. Laser would also like a dog coat, dog hat, dog scarf, and dog tail cover for Christmas.
Dec 7 - It's been snowing all day. Laser likes the snow at first, then starts limping along on alternating three legs, trying to keep one warm.
Dog Park pictures
Nov 25 - Beagles visit with much racing around, barking, and general canine commotion.
Nov 24 - Laser goes to the dog park again, but there's only one other dog-owner mad enough to be there. Earlier, Laser was in trouble for taking a couple of big licks from a pumpkin pie resting on a kitchen counter. As the saying goes: In the fridge or in the dog.
Laser would vote for Jeff Woofter
Nov 22 - There's snow on the ground, an icy wind blowing, and daylight is failing. It's time to stay home with a mug of cocoa. But - what's this? There's a group of people standing in the middle of an exposed field, fidgeting, shivering, and cold, like a group of distressed penguins stranded on an Antarctic ice floe. The scene, as you have no doubt guessed, is the unofficial Ann Arbor dog park. The dogs kept warm by racing dementedly about. Laser can usually run away from trouble, but today a Rhodesian Ridgeback was bigger and just as fast.
Nov 10 - Sounds of prolonged canine anguish as Laser is locked in the sun room while movers deliver more stuff.
Nov 5 - Laser visits the Dog-o-Mat again.
What's shaking at the Dog-o-mat
Note bone pattern tile
Laser and Bentley
Laser, Raven, and Sunny
Laser and Ellie
Nov 4 - A good day at the dog park.
Inter-canine interactions at the dog park
Laser and Bentley
Laser and Justice
Mystery Ears in the foreground
Nov 3 - Earlier this week, Laser became a Michigan media celebrity when his web page (yes, this one) was featured in a column in the Ann Arbor News. The reporter, Jack, is often seen at the dog park, and his dog Bentley interacts with Laser in a highly dynamic fashion. The URL was given as laserlab.net. At the time, the correct URL was more complicated, involving a tilde (pronounced "tilde"). However, in many ways journalism defines reality, so since anything printed in a newspaper is probably true, we registered that domain name for Laser. If you were just hunting around the keyboard for that tilde, use www.laserlab.net next time.
Nov 2 - Laser was cheered up by another trip to the dog park, but it was dusk when we got there. There's something alarming about black labs racing by in darkness.
Nov 1 - Unfortunately, Laser has failed to embrace change, and is still suspicious of the giant cardboard box towers and slippery floors in the new house. He needs a training class to enable him to buy in to the change paradigm. We just gave him lots of dog treats.
Oct 31 - Laser helped hand out Halloween candy to neighborhood children.
Oct 30 - Laser was a creditable third in a giant guess-the-baby's-weight/sex/time/date of birth sweepstake. A package arrived that had Laser bouncing around. It contained a bag of dog treats, and his winnings.
Oct 27 - Laser was very excited about the new house. The hardwood floors are waxed, which caused a serious loss of canine traction. Laser ended up traumatized, and at one point was afraid of the floor. The two dog beds became islands of safety on a treacherous surface.
Oct 18 - A good day for running at the dog park. Laser encountered an impressive Rhodesian Ridgeback.
Oct 16 - Laser is harrassed by a Rottweiler, a beagle, and a terrier at the park. We drag him away before there is more trouble.
Oct 14 - Laser encountered his favorite beagle out on a walk. However, the beagle was recovering from an operation, and was on a strict no-playing regime. Laser and the beagle were dragged reluctantly apart, with much whimpering. Laser later saw the beagle out of the window, and the whining started again.
Oct 12 - Someone at the dog park suggested dressing up the dogs for Halloween evening. Laser might go as a furry terror, but that wouldn't involve dressing up.
Laser and Rascal
Laser, Rascal, and an amorphous black blob
Oct 11 - It was "Night of the Mid-Sized Dog" at the dog park. Someone was videoing the dogs as part of an ongoing study of inter-canine relationships.
Laser and Sunny
Oct 8 - A malodorous Laser is hauled off to the Dog-o-Mat for some emergency scrubbing. The attendant asked for his last name, to add an entry to his frequent-washing card. Laser's last name is of course "Dog". Turned out she wanted the owners last name. "It wouldn't work if we filed everything under Dog" she explained.
Oct 2 - Laser has learned to "shake". It's more often a wild flailing of the right front paw.
Sept 10 - Laser showed a fear of heights as he was going over the Huron River on a footbridge. He developed a wobbling walk, then carefully avoided putting his paws on the cracks between the wooden boards. Later, perhaps shaken by the bridge experience, he leapt backwards on encountering a menacing toad on the path, a toad at least two inches long.
Sept 9 - Laser was incredulous when he encountered Anne driving off in the dogmobile, while he was out walking with Martin. The Dogmobile! Without a dog. The horror. Can you even imagine such a thing. She just drove off down the road without the canine.
August 26 - Laser has a furry friend - a small, fearless, scrappy beagle. They run around the tennis courts, and wrestle, despite Laser's 5:1 mass advantage.
August 12 - We've trained Laser not to bark in the apartment. However, Laser has consulted his lawyers on the meaning of 'bark', and has developed a remarkable repertoire of non-bark vocalizations, such as arrrrrlf, uff!, warrrwalwal, and aalwarlworf.
July 28 - Laser sent off to the kennel again. It's a dog's life.
July 24 - Laser met a shepherd mix called Slobodan. Well, that would have been a good name after Laser had finished mouthing her.
July 20 - Set out to walk the dog round Marshall Park. Instead, Laser took us on a high speed drag.
July 12 - Laser discovers the joy of Lifesavers while rooting around in a carry-on bag. Each one was carefully unwrapped and devoured. Much tastier than rawhide chews...
Laser in dog melee
Laser and Raven inspect the rear end of a dog shaped black hole.
July 7 - Action photos of Laser at the park.
July 6 - Laser met a German shepherd mix, and they decided to take their owners to the tennis court to host a bout of dog wrestling. Laser was disappointed to lose comprehensively.
June 27 - We were gripped by sudden fear that the apartment was on fire. However, the smell was coming from Laser's extra-strength hickory smoked flavor rawhide dog chew.
June 25 - A historic event in Dexter, Michigan as Laser ate his first ice cream. Confused at first, he started pushing the ball of frozen goop around the sidewalk.
June 19 - Laser fell into a toxic-smelling pond. Anne courageously scrambled down the steep side and fixed a leash to the struggling dog's collar, allowing Martin to pull him out. We washed the malodorous furry creature immediately. Laser seemed OK physically. He might have suffered some brain damage, but it was impossible to tell.
May 29 - Trained in stuffed object destruction by the beagles (see May 7), Laser extracted all stuffing from a throw cushion. It was amazing how much fiber fill it contained. The carpet was completely covered by white fluff, creating a Winter Wonderland appearance.
May 28 - Tried to tire Laser out with a very long walk. Laser returned refreshed and bouncy, but his biped owner was shattered.
May 18 - Laser's barking is rapidly curtailed using the evil squirt gun. Trying to hide, Laser discovered a dog worm-hole behind the couch. He ran through the narrow gap four times to check the worm-hole was stable.
May 11 - Laser has blood drawn at the vet - it took three people to hold him down.
May 10 - Laser went on a dog date with a black lab. He plunged into a bog just before getting back into the car, ending up with black paws.
May 7 - Extreme excitement as two beagles visit Laser on the way to Columbus. They drove up in a white Volvo station wagon. Laser barked approximately 836 times, 712 times at the full-sized beagle (admittedly still very small), and 124 times at the sub-compact beagle (or mini-beagle). One beagle launched into metronomic baying at a man mowing his lawn across the street. We thought about going out and saying "We don't know each other, but would you please go inside as you are bothering a beagle." The visit ended with the Great Millenium Goose Battle, as the two beagles played tug-of-war with Laser's stuffed goose toy, dispersing the stuffed insides of the goose all around the apartment.
May 6 - A very hot evening for running, but it doesn't stop Laser at the park. Fortunately, someone brought a gallon of water. Unfortunately, a black lab picked up the water jug and carried it around.
May 5 - Laser drove around looking at neighborhoods. He wants a house with wall-to-wall deep pile carpet, a big fenced yard, but doesn't really care about biped bathrooms or bedrooms. Laser was stared at balefully by a raccoon sitting on top of a dead tree trunk.
May 4 - Laser is developing the technique of acoustic blackmail. We can't just let him bark, and we can't throw him into the yard, as there isn't one. So good things tend to happen, like walks and dog biscuits. (If anyone knows why they aren't called dog cookies, please let us know.) However, Laser is in for a surprise as we intend to buy a squirt gun. Canine silence through enforcement.
May 3 - Laser gets a new luxury 52 inch diameter dog bed. This new blue dog bed is for sleeping. He also has a green dog bed for morning mastication, and a red dog bed by the window for afternoon basking. Who said this dog is spoiled?
April 28 - Laser encounters a Great Dane at the illegal dog running park. Our dog no longer looks tall.
April 11 - Laser is showing demented behavior, perhaps because of infection by digital prions.
April 10 - Laser has achieved new heights in malodorousness. He's also a happier dog than usual. Maybe these two factors are correlated.
April 4 - took Laser to the Bark Park, a dog "day care" center. He ran around with other dogs all day, but was dehydrated when picked up. There must be a reason for not giving much water to dogs running round your house.
March 28 - Achieve inner tranquility using the ancient art of doga. Let the guru Laserishi guide you to your inner canine. Start each day with extensive stretching, and yelp loudly at other mammals trying to sleep. Most of the day should be spent in quiet relaxation, or thoughtful mastication. However, accumulated energy must occasionally be released in unpredictable outbursts of bounding and leaping around.
March 26 - Laser goes on a walk to the Floating Bog, near Waterloo, MI. Mastodons have been sucked into this bog, they must have ignored the signs and strayed off the boardwalk.
March 23 - Laser's dog chew came with a warning "Not A Toy. Remain with dog while chewing is in progress." I admit - I laughed at this warning. What's the chew going to do - impale the dog and require urgent vet treatment? However a friend Joel today sent us a chilling message: "Blaze (the dog's name) was playing fetch with a stick yesterday evening and caught the stick mid-air. The stick caused a huge puncture in the roof of his mouth. We rushed him to a vet for multiple stitches. We were told that this happens often, and that dogs shouldn't play or run with sticks". So tonight Laser is under constant surveillance while he is masticating the Chew of Doom.
March 21 - the evening's entertainment was taking the dog to the special park for illicit off-leash maneuvers, then visiting the local pet store for a bargain monster chew and a squeaky goose toy.
March 20 - it doesn't stop raining all day, but the dog has to go on his long walk or it's trouble ahead. Dog in demented "singing in the rain" good mood, not shared by accompanying biped.
March 18 - dog goes for long walk in Gallup Park, a large and scenic park nearby. The expanses of water are reminiscent of the famous Attenborough Gravel Lagoons near Nottingham, England, sometimes considered to be the Eighth Wonder of the World.
March 14 - took Laser to the Ann Arbor Dog-o-Mat, a self-serve dog washing business. We also found a place where dogs run around off-leash. Unlike Columbus, this is illegal in Ann Arbor. We stood around with other dog owners feeling like we had joined a criminal conspiracy, and expecting police helicopters to arrive at any moment.
March 7 - Two dog trails in one day. However, Laser is driven up north to the Ann Arbor apartment that evening.
March 6 - Laser's final visit to Northam Park. There are 11 other dogs running happily around. Laser is unaware how lucky he is to live in Columbus, and how soon that will change.
February 29 - Figured out a way to stop the dog bouncing around in the new apartment. We'll install a Velcro loop carpet, then put Velcro hook covered boots on the dog. Instead of running around, he'll walk slowly accompanied by ripping noises. There's often ripping noises from the dog anyway, usually packaging materials.
February 28, 2000 - Laser somewhat demented after a weekend in a kennel with small pens.
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